Jagged and torn remnants of horn
bleed at my fingertips
a welcome pain.
Something real?
No-
present and now and physical.
Instead of erroneous, floating, dissociative
grief
and thoughts of
dying (escape).
I have lain in this darkness too long.
I have been beyond caring- but not,
only powerless and defeated and full of
despair.
Lost in this darkness
darker than my soul's darkest night.
Darker
Blacker
Deeper
than the void itself.
I have known my heart to harden and then
to shatter
and crystalize into piercing shards.
Never before have I known it to wither
and shrivel and fade to mere
wisps of
memory.
To feel the hollow emptiness echo in me...
and to dream of diving headfirst into that void
where once a heart beat-
to surrender to the nothing.
That grace is not given me.
So I begin this dreadful climb
all unwilling
and welcome the pain and blood as hand by hand
I reach and claw and pull
myself
up.
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